Lots has modified in my life currently. And I believe I am nonetheless making an attempt to catch up.
It is a unusual feeling when your life begins to look completely different than you have been used to. Even when the change is sweet. Even when it is one thing you needed. Even whether it is one thing you’ve gotten chosen or one thing that is smart to your life. There’s nonetheless part of you that feels just a little misplaced. There’s nonetheless a weight to it. This realization that issues are not the identical. And in addition… this small, surprising disappointment. Lacking variations of my life that I am nonetheless dwelling, however already really feel like they’re slowly slipping away. The way in which issues was, with out me even realizing they have been ‘again within the day’. The conventional days that did not really feel particular on the time, however really feel completely different now. It is unusual to mourn one thing that hasn’t totally ended but. To be right here, within the current, and say goodbye to it already. I did not anticipate that half.
I assume I all the time believed that when one thing “good” occurred, I ought to simply be joyful about it. Fully, clearly, with out asking any questions. But it surely does not work that manner. Some days I really feel excited. Like I am moving into one thing new, and it is stuffed with potentialities. And different days I really feel overwhelmed for no obvious motive. Or drained.
And I’ve come to understand that each can exist on the identical time.
You possibly can really feel grateful and nonetheless really feel insecure.
You possibly can really feel excited and but be scared.
You possibly can transfer ahead and nonetheless really feel such as you want a second to breathe.
You might be in one thing lovely and nonetheless miss what got here earlier than it.
I assume I all the time believed that I needed to choose one feeling and keep it up. As if one thing good was taking place, I had no proper to really feel confused, unhappy, or overwhelmed. However that is not actual. Actual life feels combined. Messy. Often a bit unclear.
Currently I have been making an attempt to cease speeding myself via it. Cease making an attempt to “determine all of it out.” As a result of I do not suppose it really works that manner. Generally I believe you simply must be in it. Within the center. And belief that issues will make sense later.
There’s one thing uncomfortable about change, even when it is good. It stretches you. It units issues in movement inside you. It asks you to let go of variations of your self that you simply have been used to. And that takes time. I believe I am studying to simply accept that I am in transition.
In case you’re going via one thing comparable, I hope you already know you are not behind. You aren’t misplaced. You are simply in the midst of one thing. And that will really feel complicated. And heavy. And hopeful and thrilling on the identical time. It is okay to mourn what was, whilst you step into one thing new.
And it is okay to really feel each on the identical time. 🤍
Have you ever ever felt that too? To be in one thing new, whereas nonetheless holding on to what’s slowly altering?