Valentine’s Day is usually a enjoyable, cheerful and romantic day that you’ve regarded ahead to throughout the gloomy winter months.
But it surely may also be a tragic time in case you’re single or in a nasty relationship, or possibly you are taking it too significantly and getting all wired about that big day.
That will help you with that, I would prefer to share 101 of the funniest Valentine’s Day quotes.
Timeless ideas to provide you a couple of good laughs, assist you to chill out and have an exquisite day, wherever you might be in your life.
And remember to share one or a couple of of your favorites along with your associate, buddies, household and anybody else you suppose may want them proper now or who you recognize would get a great snicker.
Humorous Valentine’s Day quotes for a extra enjoyable and fewer anxious day
“Bear in mind, your Valentine’s Day card exhibits that you just care sufficient to ship your best, even in case you’re too lazy to say it in your personal phrases.”
– Melanie White
“I wished to make it actually particular on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for 3 hours I watched no matter I wished on TV.”
–Tracy Smith
“Cash-saving tip for Valentine’s Day: break up on February 13. Reconvene on the fifteenth.”
–David Letterman
“You may’t put a price ticket on love, however you may put a price ticket on all of the equipment.”
– Melanie Clark Pullen
“Now we have to recollect what’s essential in life: buddies, waffles, work. Or waffles, buddies, work. Would not matter, however work comes third.”
–Leslie Knope
“Wombs earlier than duderuses… Ovaries earlier than brovaries.”
– Leslie Knope (from the TV present Parks & Recreations)
“Oh, here is an thought: Let’s take footage of our inside organs and provides them to different folks we love on Valentine’s Day. That is not unusual in any respect.”
–Jimmy Fallon
“Immediately is Valentine’s Day – or, as males prefer to name it, Extortion Day!”
– Jay Leno
“The 99 Cent Solely Retailer calls itself your Valentine’s Day headquarters. Guys, if that is your Valentine’s Day headquarters, you may name the storage your new dwelling.
– Jay Leno
“Would I quite be feared or beloved? Easy. Each. I would like folks to be afraid of how a lot they love me.”
– Michael Scott
“With out Valentine’s Day, February can be… effectively, January.”
–Jim Gaffigan
“All you want is love. However slightly chocolate every so often does not harm.”
– Charles M. Schulz
“First Valentine’s Day, 200,000 BC: Women and men collect on reverse sides of Pangea, ready for somebody to make the primary transfer.”
– Kristen Schaal
“You may’t purchase love, however you may pay dearly for it.”
– Henny Youngman
“The key to an extended marriage is staying away.”
– Dolly Parton
“I’m wondering which idiot it was who first invented kissing.”
–Jonathan Swift
“All my spouse wished for Valentine’s Day was an American Specific card.”
– Milton Berle
Humorous Valentine’s Day quotes and jokes about being single
“Valentine’s Day: the vacation that reminds you that if you do not have somebody particular, you are alone.”
–Lewis Black
“My buddies inform me I’ve an intimacy drawback. However they do not actually know me.”
– Garry Shandling
‘I need a man who’s variety and understanding. Is that an excessive amount of to ask of a millionaire?”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
“If love is the reply, are you able to please rephrase the query?”
– Lily Tomlin
“I virtually had a magical girlfriend, however she left me earlier than we met.”
–Steven Wright
“The good factor about Valentine’s Day is that individuals uncover who’s single and who they need to be jealous of.”
– Faye Morgan
“Real love is like ghosts that everybody talks about and few have seen.”
– François de la Rochefoucauld
“You’re by no means alone on Valentine’s Day in case you are close to a lake and have bread.”
– Mike Primavera
“No person loves me as a lot as I do, so I assume I will simply be my very own valentine.”
–Adam Rippon
“Folks ought to fall in love with their eyes closed.”
–Andy Warhol
“The one you’re keen on and the one who loves you might be by no means the identical individual.”
–Chuck Palahniuk
‘Have you ever ever been in love? Horrible, is not it? It makes you so weak.”
–Neil Gaiman
“My telephone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships as of late.”
–Jacques Torres
“Can formally verify that the best way to a person’s coronary heart as of late just isn’t by magnificence, meals, intercourse or attractiveness of character, however merely by the power to seem not very serious about him.”
– Bridget Jones (from the film Bridget Jones’s Diary)
“In the event you textual content somebody ‘I like you’ they usually write again an emoji, it doesn’t matter what that emoji is, they do not love you again.”
–Chelsea Peretti
“Love is a mutual present of self that ends in self-restoration.”
– Fulton J. Sheen
“Love doesn’t come to you unexpectedly; you need to ship alerts, a bit like a radio novice.”
–Helen Gurley Brown
Hilarious Valentine’s Day quotes for him and have a optimistic day
“Love means nothing in tennis, however it’s every thing in life.”
– Unknown
“It doesn’t matter what you appear to be, marry a person your personal age – as your magnificence fades, so will his eyesight.”
–Phyllis Diller
“I instructed my spouse {that a} man is like wine: he will get higher with age. She locked me within the basement.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“I promise to like you, respect you, help you, and most significantly, be sure I do not simply yell at you as a result of I am hungry.”
– Gladys Canby
‘What’s one of the best ways to make your husband keep in mind your anniversary? Getting married on his birthday.”
–Cindy Garner
“I believe males with pierced ears are higher ready for marriage. They skilled ache and purchased jewellery.”
–Rita Rudner
“The person who says his spouse cannot take a joke forgets that she took him.”
–Oscar Wilde
“A person’s most essential job is to guard his spouse from her need to get bangs each month.”
– Dax Shepard
“In the event you can keep in love for greater than two years, you are on to one thing.”
– Fran Lebowitz
“A person is aware of he’s in love when he loses curiosity in his automotive for a couple of days.”
–Tim Allen
“Being a great husband is like being a slapstick comedian. You want ten years earlier than you may name your self a newbie.”
–Jerry Seinfeld
“As a person in a relationship you’ve got a alternative: you may be proper otherwise you may be completely happy.”
– Ralphie Could
“I promise to at all times be by your facet. Or underneath you. Or on prime of it.”
– Joe King
“I like you in a means that’s sickening to others.”
– Dinah Mijt
“The bravest factor males do is love girls.”
– Mort Sahl
“The jewelers say, ‘Inform your spouse you’re keen on her with a diamond,’ whereas girls inform you they love you with, ‘Okay, however simply because it is Valentine’s Day.'”
– George López
“Marrying a person is like shopping for one thing you’ve got admired for a very long time in a store window. You may like it whenever you get it dwelling, but it surely does not at all times go along with every thing else.
–Jean Kerr
“Preserve your eyes extensive open earlier than marriage, and half closed afterwards.”
–Benjamin Franklin
‘By all means, get married. In the event you get a great spouse, you’ll be completely happy. In the event you get a nasty one, you turn into a thinker.”
– Socrates
“Love is so much like again ache: it does not present up on x-rays, however you recognize it is there.”
–George Burns
“Love is a fireplace. However you by no means know whether or not it can heat your fireside or burn down your home.”
–Joan Crawford
“Males need the identical issues from their underwear as girls need: slightly help and slightly freedom.”
–Jerry Seinfeld
Humorous Valentine’s Day Quotes for Mates and Your BFF
‘What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it is solely the very best day of the 12 months.
–Leslie Knope
“Love is being silly collectively.”
– Paul Valery
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
– Charles Schulz
“I like you even after I’m actually, actually hungry.”
– Hollywood
‘I like you greater than espresso. However please do not make me show it.”
– Gerry Attrick
‘I am yours. No refunds.”
– Unknown
“I like you no matter you do, however do you need to try this a lot of it?”
– Jean Illsley Clarke
‘Typically I’m wondering how you set up with me. Then I keep in mind: Oh, I put up with you. So we’re equal.”
– Basket Lynne
‘I like you with all my ass. I’d say coronary heart, however my ass is larger.”
– Emma Nate
“I like you much more than I am irritated by you. That is so much.”
– Brighton requested
“If there’s a legislation in opposition to friendship, lock me up.”
–Leslie Knope
“Day-after-day I fall an increasing number of in love with you. Besides yesterday, yesterday you have been fairly annoying.”
– Depend E. Vogel
“I promise I will be the primary to stomp in your candy, candy zombie head.”
– Unknown
Quick, cute and humorous Valentine’s Day quotes
“Love is a critical psychological sickness.”
–Plato
“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.”
– Pauline Thomason
“Love means by no means having to apologize – however I extremely advocate you say it anyway.”
– Sandra Shea
“Love means you do not have to carry your farts in anymore.”
– Bree Luckey
“A person falls in love by his eyes, a girl by her ears.”
–Les Dawson
“Love is like conflict: simple to start out, however very laborious to cease.”
– H.L. Mencken
“I promise to at all times make you’re feeling whenever you’re making an attempt to prepare within the morning.”
– Upton O. Goode
“Who wears the pants in our relationship? We desire it if neither of us wears pants.”
– Felix quoted
“Love is nice; divorce prices 100 thousand {dollars}.”
– Unknown
“I actually such as you, even when my resting bitch face says in any other case typically.”
– Fay Collins
“Would you prefer to be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical query. We’re married.”
–Sarah Kelly
“Love is what you’ve got skilled with somebody.”
–James Thurber
“You rainbow-drenched house unicorn.”
–Leslie Knope
“Love is only a chocolate substitute.”
– Melanie Clark Pullen
“A girl’s creativeness could be very fast; it jumps instantly from admiration to like, from like to marriage.”
–Jane Austen
“Love is affected person, love is variety, love is slowly going loopy.”
– Jay Thomas
“Do you imagine in love at first sight, or ought to I drop by once more?”
– Unknown
“Ladies want a purpose to have intercourse. Males simply want a spot.”
– Billy Kristal
“Love is like an hourglass, filling the center whereas emptying the mind.”
– Jules Renard
“I did not fall for you, you tripped me!”
– Jenny Han
“Love is identical as enjoyable, besides it makes you’re feeling sexier.”
– Judith Viorst
“Honesty is the important thing to a relationship. In the event you can pretend that, you are in.”
– Richard Jeni
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took all of 5 minutes.”
– Lucille Bal
“Love is an electrical blanket with another person controlling the swap.”
–Cathy Carlyle
“I like you and it is getting worse.”
–Joseph E. Morris
“Marriage is like tights. All of it depends upon what you set into it.”
– Phyllis Schlafl
“Love is telling somebody that their hair extensions are exhibiting.”
– Natasha Leggero
“Real love comes quietly, with out banners or flashing lights. In the event you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
– Erich Segal
“Love with outdated males is just like the solar on the snow: it dazzles greater than it warms.”
– JP Senn
“The issue with some girls is that they do not get turned on by something in any respect – after which they marry him.”
–Cher
Need extra uplifting inspiration for Valentine’s Day? Then take a look at these 100 quick Valentine’s Day captions, the 101 inspiring Valentine’s Day quotes right here and these love quotes. Plus the quick and romantic quotes on this submit and these prime 35 love quotes for him.